'Can't Help Falling In Love' : Part 2

The car screeched to a halt, forcing her to stretch her hand on the dashboard to stop her sudden trajectory forward. She didn't need to look at him to know this was definitely not a good sign. How many times had she been in the same position? 2 / 3? Well maybe 3: she had been with him when they went to search for Anjali, he had taken her home after prayers at RM and the trip back from Nainital. 

The first she actually did get to the mandir but then he had no choice. Nani had instructed him that she did not want them back until they found Anjali. But the other two times didn't end well. She had confronted him on both times and both times, she walked home! She shut her eyes, waiting for his famous phrase.

What the?!

Well maybe not his famous phrase. His favourite phrase when she was in the car. But she heard nothing except for the faint humming of the engine.

She slowly opened her eyes – left and right. She tilted her head slightly to just catch a glimpse of him. He was staring straight ahead and hands still tightly gripping the steering wheel. His jaw was clenched so tightly that she literally could outline his jaw muscles. 

Wouldn't that hurt? Gosh, he looked so good, especially when he was mad. Mad! Khushi now is not the time to admire him. Now is the time to think and prepare. 

She turned her attention to focus on the surroundings. The car was parked off road in what seemed like some sort of alleyway. All she needed was some sort of landmark to help her orientate herself and estimate how long it will now take her to get home. 

Devi Mayaa why did you not stop me blabbering. Is this your plan all along?! For me to walk home?!  
She glanced timidly again to her right. He was still staring ahead. Nothing had changed. And worse, he was still silent. She gulped. Definitely not a good sign.

Very well. She let her shoulders drop. She picked the end of her sari and scooped it around her waist and tucked it in. Her fingers nervously unscrewed her left and then right earrings, placing it carefully in a clear bag and then into her crimson cloth bag. She arched backwards as she fumbled to undo the clasp of her necklace.

 "Can you not sit still?! What are you doing?!" He finally spoke though his voice sharp. He still concentrated on something inconsequential in front of him.

"Getting ready." She replied softly

"For what?"

"To walk home." She met his puzzled look. "You know when you tell me to Get Out! It's always good to be forward thinking and prepared, don't you think?"

She could have sworn that she saw a slight flicker of warmth in his eyes before she watched him take a long blink and then turned his focus on to her. His eyes now as she expected, cold as ice. ASR was back and she sighed. This may not be as easy as she had initially thought.

Well at least she was getting pretty good in recognising when ASR took over and when sweet Arnavji emerged. She wondered is this how Bella felt when she was able to recognise the change in Edward's eyes in Twilight. But hey the girl had it easy, Edward Cullen's eyes either went red when he was hungry or gold when he was full. Whereas for Khushi Kumari Gupta, she was not that fortunate. First of all, ASR was real and not a fictional character and second, his eyes went from dark chocolaty brown – cold to dark chocolaty brown – warm. Nevertheless, she smiled proudly, she was getting good.

"Khushi?"

"Hmm?"

"Finish?"

"With what?"

"Your inner chatter?"

"Let me check." She tilted her head up and wondered. Finish. I'm so so dead!!! And I have heals on. Why?!!!  But she was helpless in reigning herself in even if she tried.

"Are you for real?"

"Hmm. You?"

"Don't piss me off Khushi Kumari Gupta. Let's just finish this so that I can get both of us home. This is not how I imagined spending Diwali" his spoke curtly.

She turned and faced him. She needed to get angry, irritable to even the odds. She concentrated on their first meeting when he broke her doori, dropping the pearl beads. Or when he threw her down from his 1^st floor office to watch her land on boxes. Did he know the boxes were there? Is that why he let her go? 

Stop!!! You are supposed to find reasons to get mad, not understand him!!! Understood. Or when he sent her to the crumpling guesthouse and she feared for her life. But he did put his life on the line to rescue her.  This was totally hopeless!!! She needed to focus. She closed her eyes tightly and then regretted it. The evening's event flashed in front of her. Arnav holding on to Lavanya's hand and announcing that he was going to marry her. She took a deep breath and bit her lower lip to hold back the tears.

But doesn't he have the right to, Khushi? She is his girlfriend and didn't you tell him that to a woman, marriage is important. So you should be happy that at least he is giving a proper name to his relationship to Lavanya, your friend?

And what about nearly kissing me? How dare he? He was about to cheat on Lavanya. I was right about him. His character is definitely dheela.

You did not say no either Khushi.

Which side are you on? Mine or his??!

"Khushi?" His voice thundered, causing her to jump.

"Yes?!" she met his glare. "Arnavji, how did you imagine I would have liked to spend Diwali? Like this? Like what happened today?"

She watched as he turned and faced the front, another blink and then turned back.

"The payal?" he asked, his voice still sharp.

"Yes?" she was amazed that he was actually going to answer her. Maybe there was hope afterall.

"Om Prakash found it." He looked away. "I thought it was Lavanya's and was going to give it to her tonight, after I had planned to announce our marriage. And then I heard that you had lost your payal and that it was a gift from your mother. They looked the same to me and so I returned it."

Khushi stared at him in amazement. This was the best he could come up with?! Idiot!!!! But she was not going to let him off the hook that easily.

She pulled her sari slightly up and lifted her right leg to rest her feet on the seet. She knew he was studying her and she ensured that all her actions were extra slow. She lifted the ends of her sari, exposing her foot. Her hand caressed the payal slightly and hesitated. It was definitely hers. And it was one of the few things of her ammaji's that she still had and most importantly, he had carefully placed it back around her ankle earlier in the evening. She closed her eyes and bit her lip again. Who was she truly hurting – him or herself? But she wanted the truth at all cost. She opened her eyes, now with determination and search for the clasp of her payal. She was about to unhook the clasp when his fingers stop hers. She looked up. His face was inches from hers and his eyes softened.

"What are you doing?" his voice now softer.

"I just checked and you were right. The payal is Lavanya's. So I'm returning it."

"No you are not." He removed his hand from hers. "It's not Lavanya's". He turned and looked away.

"I know." She whispered as she carefully slipped her foot back into her heels and corrected her sari. 

"Just like the two silver coins in the soap packet?" she whispered.

She needed to get that off her chest as well. After the marriage announcement and the pretence of her being overly thrilled in front of the entire guests, Khushi had managed to escape into the kitchen. She thought she was alone but even then she was not fortunate. Om Prakash had found her sobbing and then she was not sure what compelled him to, he told her about the soap packet. What did it all mean?! Why did he do certain things that made her heart skip a beat and other actions that just cause her inner being to shatter!  She was asking Devi Mayaa for guidance and to show her the way when she heard Anjali ask Arnav to drop her home. Their eyes met and he did not seem to resist the suggestion either. So she jumped at the chance.

"If you think you know the truth, why the need to ask?" his voice quivered slightly. "Why do you have to make it difficult, Khushi?" he asked looking away.

"It comes with years of practice. What about you? Does it come naturally?" she asked though aware her voice was now faltering. She again bit her lip to control the tears and swore that with the rate she was going, she would hardly have any lip left.

"Would it change anything?" he shifted in his seat until his back was to the door and he was now looking straight at her.

She turned her attention back to the truly-not-so-important car window. She bit her lip harder and felt the salty fluid oozing into her mouth. Still her eyes were welling. Devi Mayaa what have I done? Why do I act sometimes without thinking? Would it change anything?! What was I expecting? That he would say that he felt the same and then what? He would waltz up and make me his. Me? Khushi Kumari Gupta. We are from different social spheres; it was never going to work. Why was I so nave!!! Maybe buaji is right. Sometimes I don't think and live in a fantasy world. Maybe this is the way to show me the right answer to my question Devi Mayaa. Thank you.

She should feel relieved but she wasn't. The hollowness that she was cleverly hiding from herself with her mental chatter returned in vengeance. She closed her eyes and allowed her tears to flow down her cheeks. She had lost again. But this time, she was aware of the outcome. He would be married soon and it was all over, even before it began. At least she won't delude herself to think that maybe he might be coming back, like she believed initially with her amma and babuji. This time she will come to terms with it better. This time she will say goodbye properly! She will always have part of him with her: her payal. And she will forever treasure it, like the stars above her bed. Maybe she will do an extra star for him. Oh Devi Mayaa, what have I said!!! Please no. look after him for me. Make sure he is always well and happy. Make sure his diabetes is well controlled and he does not overwork himself. I know he does not believe in you, but please look over him for me. Give him all the happiness that was destined for me. She looked up and caught his reflection. Their eyes met, both pair moist.

Through the reflection, she watched as he again shifted in his seat, closed his eyes for what seemed like eternity. She quickly wiped the wet tracks on her cheeks with her palms and made herself presentable. She continued to watch him in silence. His eyes still closed. She realised that it was not easy on him as it was for her. She promised herself, her babbling was over. She was not going to make it difficult for him. He was her priority. She was already broken and she knew with time, she would pick herself up but he may not have that strength. And she didn't want to remember her last time with him like this.

"Devi Mayaa…look at the time!!! Oh now, what would bauji, ammaji and babuji say. Khushi you've gone to a party and had such a good time and forgotten us?" she forced herself to laugh. "Come one Arnavji, take me home"

He opened his eyes and their eyes met. The warmth still in them.

"Please" she mouthed. Her voice had not shared her inner resolve. "Take me home". 


Part 3