Khushi sat quietly in shock as she tried to comprehend
what had just happened. Did Arnav just tell her he would make things all right?
Did he actually say he felt the same way? He didn't say it in so many words but
he did say that neither of their existence would mean something unless they had
each other. Her eyes welled up in happiness but she still felt uncomfortable
inside.
She felt him as he uncupped his hands from her face
and watched him as he reclined back in to his seat. Silent. Waiting. Watching.
Waiting for what? For her response? Which would be
what??!!
She was not sure. She looked out and saw her house
dazzling with the glow from the fairy lights. Diwali. Her favourite time of the
year. But this year, it had just got more complicated. There was a marriage
proposal. She had fallen in love. But most importantly, her babuji lay
paralysed and unable to communicate. What she would do to just sit by his feet
and tell him her experiences and ask him for advice.
Khushi, you cant
speak to babuji about man problems!
She had to agree but she could talk to him about other
things that would make her feel more at peace so that she could devote her
remaining attention to her man problem. She could actually ask him if he wanted
her to get married? And that too to Shyam? But that didn't seem important at
this precise moment. Her mind was more preoccupied with her man problem.
Her man problem?
She giggled at the sound of that. She turned to
look at 'her man problem' and almost lost her breath. He was simply beautiful. Could you call him that - beautiful?! That
was usually a term for describing women but she did not care. He was just so
and there was no denying of that fact. Everything about him was perfect: how
his brown chocolaty eyes swirled with intense emotional depth and dazzled in
the darkness. They were certainly windows to his soul, though he did guard it
very well. His thick brown hair that was now styled short and made him look
even more scrumptious. And those lips. She struggled to tear her gaze from his full
lips. If only he had kissed her this evening, they would not be in this mess.
But the reality was, he didn't and now they sat both in a deep hole, scurrying
to come out.
Her thoughts returned to their trip to Nainital. He
had told her that he was going to walk through the jungle and suggested she
remain by the car. How valiant...not!!! So she followed him, initially hiding
from him though it was obvious she could not hide behind trees throughout their
walk. He had given in and asked her to walk with him but to not say a word. He
even treatened to cut her pay should she speak. The nerve?! So she obeyed. But
unfortunately for her, she fell into a very big hole, somehow like this one but
that was an actual hole whereas this was just Arnav's mess. As he had told her
off for talking too much and she wanting to prove a point, she kept quiet and
listened. She heard him call her name when he thought she was missing and it
surprised her pleasantly that there was a slight concern in his voice. Concern
for her? It was bloody time but then hadn't he always been concerned about her.
Maybe but she was only then starting to see it and enjoyed the feeling.
Khushi continued to study Arnav oblivious that he was
enjoying watching her studying him. Her eyes rested on his hands. Immediately
the thought of him softly pushing her fringe away flashed before her. She
forced her eyes shut. And then her mind just raced: His manly hands initially carressing
her arms. Then his fingers gently tiptoeing up to her shoulders and slowly
upwards along her neck, softly with feathery touch enough to set her skin on
fire. Finally, tracing along her jaw before resting on her chin. His lips then
softly rested on hers. Initially he kissed her gently and then slowly started
nibbling her lips. He bit her lower lip and then his tongue darted along her lips
before plunging into her mouth. Khushi could feel herself burning. "Arnavji"
she purred.
"Khushi" she heard him whisper. "Is your mental
chatter finish or its something else?" He teased. His voice barely a whisper.
"Hmmm." She opened her eyes to reorientate
herself back into the car. For a split second, Khushi wondered how did he sink
into his seat so quickly. Then she saw his hands were still on his lap. She
glanced above and saw him smirk. Her cheeks burned. Her heart pounded. She
imagined the whole thing???!!!! Hai Deyi Mayaa!!!!!! At a flash, she turned
away. What was happening to her? She shut her eyes tightly but again his hands
flashed infront of her: the hands that grabbed her, the hands that carressed
her, that cupped her, that tenderly placed her payal on her ankle, that gently
held her hand and that slipped into Lavanya's hand during his wedding
announcement. Her eyes immediately opened and she knew the answer to her
dilemma.
"Arnavji, sometimes in our lives we do come to a
cross roads where we have to make a decision. And the decision does not only
affect us but everyone around us as well. Sometimes it is a good decision and
sometimes not. Tonight, you made one. A serious one..." Khushi took a deep
breath in.
"Khushi?" he tried to interrupt
"Arnavji, I let you finish earlier. And this is
not easy for me. So let me finish as well. Granted I interrupted you twice. So
you have used your first allowance of interruption. Please."
Arnav was not sure whether he should be getting mad or
finding her last statement funny. She always had a way of reacting to him but
he was quietly taken aback by her ability to retaliate, especially using his
own comments. "Go on."
"Right. You have told everyone tonight that you
want to marry Lavanya. Now everybody is happy."
"But you and I are not." he spoke, voice
showing slight irritability.
"Shhh." she waved her finger at him
disprovingly. "that is irrelevant. The fact that you made the decision and
there are more people happy as a result from it. Have you seen your family -
they are all thrilled! How can that be a wrong decision? And what makes you
think this is a right decision?"
"Khushi, I made that decision in anger. I was
reacting. You had come too close and was demanding answers and I did not want
you in. ...at that time."
"And you are not reacting now?!" she asked
him. He was definitely not making it difficult but she could cope with him this
way. It was when he hardly said anything but spoke volumes through his eyes and
touch her in ways that was starting to drive her body insane, that she
struggled with.
"Tell me you are not reacting now, Arnavji.
Forget 24hrs, I'll give you my whole life. But you can't, can you?" she
prodded and took his silence as confirmation. She would be lying if she didnt
admit that a small part of her chipped like a glass but she was also glad that
he was not denying it. At least he was honest. And honesty was the first place
to start.
"Khushi, what are you saying?" his words now
stressed.
She looked at him. "I'm saying no."
"No to what?!" his voice struggled to hide his
anger.
"No to everything. You chose Lavanya. And that is
final. I don't want to have anything to do with it."
"What the? Are you serious?!" Arnav frowned,
struggling to comprehend what just happened. How did it go from absolutely
right to absolutely wrong? He truly had enough of this girl and she was pushing
his patience!
Khushi studied him. His jaw clenched. She watched him
intently, waiting for the blink. When she finally saw him close his eyes for a
few seconds, she smiled internally.
ASR was back and she was now starting to understand
him. Yes, the man before her was Arnav Singh Raizada but he was not one man. He
had many facets to his character, like her, like most people. However, unlike
most, there was two parts of him that were very dominant. One, she was now
going to call her Arnavji and the other ASR. Forget about she and he being at
different polarities. Arnavji and ASR sat at different extremes as well.
How can someone
be so internally dissonant?! She appreciated that
he was successful at business and ASR was needed. But in relationships, Arnavji
was guarded like some sort of princess banished to a tall unreachable tower.
It was Arnav who was mesmerised by her, who came close
to her tonight and who nearly kissed her.
It was ASR who pulled away, who walked to Lavanya for
escape.
It was Arnav who cared for her, made sweet gestures
but ASR who pulled her here and there and treated her brutally.
She did not like ASR but she did not hate him. In
fact, if she was blatantly honest, she did find him very sexy when he was angry
or extremely confident or focused. But she also loved Arnavji who was sweet and
caring. What she wanted was the whole of him and not parts. Isnt that what
attracted her to him: he was such an intriguing character and had an edge. She
didn't want too much niceness. She had already envisioned what life would be
like if she chose Shyam and that was not what she wanted. Yes he would be
overly sweet and nice to her and worship her. But she would die of utter
boredom. And actually for once understood what was meant that too much niceness
could kill as well. She was a feisty character and she loved it that ASR could
give as good as he could receive. She loved that her heart race in excitement
when he was around. It made her feel alive and she wanted that but she wanted
it right. And for them to have a future, both Arnav and ASR would need to want her, would choose to want to be with her.
She already had Arnav. Now she had to tackle ASR and
acknowledged that she was probably going to get badly burnt in the process. But they had to be worth fighting for, isn't
it? Like he said, her existence would mean nothing without him. And she
also acknowledged that if he stayed with Lavanya but loved her instead, that
was not going to be fair on three of them. So he would have to do it right if
he valued what they had, with minimal destruction, and definitely not in
reaction.
"Khushi, no one ever says no to Arnav Singh Raizada."
He thundered.
"Well there is always a first." She retaliated.
"GET OUT!!!"
She struggled to appear flustered. "Unlock the door
first." Her chest tightened as she glanced at his eyes that failed to hide the hurt from the
rejection. "How can we begin a dream on other people's ashes?! Especially
when you want to make drastic changes within 24 hours."
Again, he looked at her and then ran his hand through
his hair. He immediately pressed the unlock button by his door and glared back
at Khushi. "It is better to
weather a storm for one night than to suffer from winters for a
lifetime. But you will not understand that."
"Really?! So is that what you were doing this
evening? Instead of weathering the storm with me when i asked you what it all
meant, you rather chose to be engaged to a woman you may not love. Were you
being fair to her? What about me? And most importantly you?" she asked,
though not expecting an answer.
Khushi forcefully opened the car door and got out.
"Good bye Mr Arnav Singh Raizada." Khushi expected a reaction but was
disappointed that she got none. "And don't let me see your face EVER
again." She improvised. She was about to storm off when something held her
back. She was almost about to blurt, let go of me but saw that it was her sari
that was stuck to the car instead of him holding her back. She avoided his
attention.
Why. Oh Why?
Now???? When
I'm trying to make a dramatizing exit!!! Devi Mayaa, I understand. He is the one. I do get it. I finally do get
it with the dupatta flying to him, getting stuck to him, getting stuck in his
belongings. I do. But now is not a good time. Please. She kept muttering
internally until she managed to unhook her sari end. She then looked at his
puzzled look. "Don't come back and don't ever see me again." React damn it!!!
"Fine." He snapped. He switched the ignition on and
one hand tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He rested the other hand on
the gear stick and whilst the car was still in neutral, he pressed the
accelerator, raving the car continuously. He stared forwards.
"Fine!!!" She slammed the door. And then stormed up to
her porch.
Don't look back
please Khushi. Today, don't turn. She walked
towards the door and opened it. She had a slight itch in her shoulder. No Khushi. Be strong. But she struggled
and looked towards the car to find that he remained frozen, puzzled. Mission
one accomplished. She turned in to her house. Now for her next nemesis, Buaji.
Part 5
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